TODD

THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF ADDICTIONS.

FOR SOME IT'S THE BOTTLE, ALWAYS DRINKING.
FOR SOME IT'S SMOKING
FOR SOME IT'S PORN
FOR SOME IT'S EATING

AND FOR SOME IT'S WORKING. BE CAREFUL. TOO MUCH AND TOO MUCH PRESSURE IS REAL BAD FOR YA.

IF YOU WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TODD, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE PISS FOR WORK. IF YOU WERE IN THE POOR HOUSE AND COOKING UP AN OLD BOOT FOR SUPPER, THEN YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME REASON TO DOUBT YOUR SKILLZ.

I IMAGINE THAT DOUBTING YOURSELF HAS GOTTEN OLD. POSSIBLY YOU TIRE FROM THAT SAME OLD CAT'O-NINE TAILS ACROSS THE BACK.

I WON'T BE ABLE TO TELL YOU YOUR GOOD ENOUGH AND HAVE IT DO THE GOOD WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE ON THE INSIDE.

I SAY ALL THIS CAUSE THAT SORT OF SHIT IS TEARING ME DOWN AS WELL. I HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN SEEING COUNSELORS AND THERAPISTS FOR THE LAST THREE MONTHS AND HAVE A MARRIAGE THAT IS STRAINED TO MAXIMUM CAPACITY AND THREATENS TO BREAK.

YOU GOTTA FIND THAT SPACE TO GIVE TO YOURSELF THE SUPPORT YOU NEED, ON THE SMALL SINGULAR DECISION LEVEL. ALL THE TINY SMALL EVERYDAY LITTLE STUFF. GOTTA FIND SPACE FOR TODD TO BE SUPPORTED. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, YOUR NO ONES BITCH.

THIS KINDA SHIT IS COSTING ME ALOT TO FIGURE OUT.

I HAVE BEEN LIVING MY PARENTS AND BROTHERS IDEA OF WHAT A LIFE SHOULD BE. SQUASHED MY OWN VOICE DOWN SO FAR THAT IT CAME OUT IN OTHER WAYS THAT WERE QUITE DESTRUCTIVE. HAD NO BELIEFE IN WHAT I WAS CAPABLE OF, HAD NO BELIEF IN MY OWN ABILITY TO CHANGE MY OWN LIFE EVEN THOUGH I SAW THAT IT WAS NO GOOD FOR MY WIFE AND GIRLS. TO WEAK TO STAND UP FOR MY IDEAS OF WHAT WERE TRUE FOR ME. THOSE IDEAS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY VALIDITY AND DEFINITLY NO GROUND TO BE HEARD.

IT'S REAL SHIT OUT THERE, THIS LIFE STUFF.

ALL I WANNA SAY IS THAT, I HEAR YOU TODD, AND I BELIEVE IN YOU.